{"id":3406,"date":"2026-04-16T14:42:23","date_gmt":"2026-04-16T11:42:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/upas.evvel.org\/?p=3406"},"modified":"2026-04-20T14:44:52","modified_gmt":"2026-04-20T11:44:52","slug":"aynadaki-konuk-husniye-sakar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/upas.evvel.org\/?p=3406","title":{"rendered":"“Aynadaki Konu\u011fum” (H\u00fcsniye Sakar)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n


–F\u00fcru\u011f Ferruhzad<\/a>‘a mektup-<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“(…)Ve bu benim
Yaln\u0131z bir kad\u0131n
So\u011fuk bir mevsimin e\u015fi\u011finde,
Yery\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn kirlenmi\u015f varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlaman\u0131n
Ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131nda<\/em>“<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“\u00c7\u00f6l ku\u015flar\u0131na” \u015fark\u0131 bestelerken rastlad\u0131m sana. Sevin\u00e7lerini y\u0131kmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan bu yery\u00fcz\u00fc; i\u015fte bu y\u00fczden uzaklarda a\u00e7an bir \u00e7i\u00e7ek olmay\u0131 se\u00e7tin.  Esrik ve \u00f6zg\u00fcr. Kendimi senin durgun sular\u0131na b\u0131rakt\u0131m. “K\u00e2\u011f\u0131tlar\u0131n g\u00f6zlerinde” birlikte eriyoruz.. Kimsenin bizi i\u00e7ine ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 o derin uykular\u0131 olmad\u0131 hi\u00e7. Bizim kendi i\u00e7sel uykular\u0131m\u0131z vard\u0131. \u0130\u00e7ten i\u00e7e y\u0131k\u0131k olsalar da dualar\u0131m\u0131z vard\u0131.  Ve birer darbe gibi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorlard\u0131 yery\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn kalbine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

F\u00fcru\u011f Ferruhzad<\/a> (1935-1967)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Merhaba benim “yar\u0131 yan\u0131m!”\u00a0 Gecenin yata\u011f\u0131na uzand\u0131m. Kendime sebepler do\u011furan bir kad\u0131n… ben. Bu varolu\u015fa ihtiyac\u0131m var. Bo\u015fluklar… Bilirsin i\u015fte.\u00a0 K\u0131rmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z d\u00f6ng\u00fcler bize var olmak\u00a0i\u00e7in sebepler do\u011furuyor. Saks\u0131daki menek\u015felerim de\u00a0\u00f6ld\u00fc\u00a0biliyor musun? Seni \u00e7ok sevdi\u011fim i\u00e7in alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m onlar\u0131. Sana daha yak\u0131n olmak i\u00e7in. Sen de istemi\u015ftin\u00a0bah\u00e7ende menek\u015fe ekebilmeyi\u00a0ve sardunyalar\u0131…\u00a0 Sesim seni bekliyor\u00a0\u0131slak a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n yan\u0131ndan ge\u00e7erken. \u015eiirler b\u0131rak\u0131yorum, i\u00e7ine kendini b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n aynalara. Kendini g\u00f6rmek yasakt\u0131!\u00a0 Kendimizi g\u00f6rmek h\u00e2l\u00e2 yasak! Her ayk\u0131r\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncemiz\u00a0\u00e7arm\u0131ha geriliyor bu yery\u00fcz\u00fcnde. ”Ser\u00e7elerin dili fabrikalarda \u00f6l\u00fcyor” her zamanki saatinde.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

”A\u015fkla dolu avluda bekleyen o k\u0131z\u0131” inan ben de \u00f6zl\u00fcyorum. O’na merhaba diyebilmeyi. Bizler, \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc k\u00e2\u011f\u0131tlar\u0131n aras\u0131nda a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z pencerelerde buluyoruz ve Tanr\u0131n\u0131n pe\u015findeyiz.. O’na ula\u015fabilmenin yollar\u0131n\u0131 ar\u0131yoruz kelimeler arac\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131yla. Bazen de kovuluyoruz, cezaland\u0131r\u0131l\u0131yoruz haks\u0131z bedeller \u00f6deyerek. Sana bu mektubu Ekim 2020’den yaz\u0131yorum. \u0130\u00e7imde bir yerde perdeledi\u011fim ac\u0131lar\u0131mdan yaz\u0131yorum. Yaraland\u0131\u011f\u0131n yerleri o kadar iyi anl\u0131yorum ki. Otoritenin duvarlar\u0131n\u0131 y\u0131kmak hi\u00e7 kolay de\u011fil. En derin mutsuzluklar\u0131 yaratanlar… H\u00e2l\u00e2 duymuyorlar bizi. H\u00e2l\u00e2 kad\u0131nlar \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcl\u00fcyor. H\u00e2l\u00e2 \u015fiir yazan b\u00fct\u00fcn kad\u0131nlar… Ev ile ekmek aras\u0131nda s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f bir zamanday\u0131z. Bir de anla\u015f\u0131lamaman\u0131n \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131\u011f\u0131 zorluklar… 
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

”Kimi zaman ufac\u0131k bir k\u0131v\u0131lc\u0131m
Bu cans\u0131z ve sessiz toplulu\u011fu
Ta i\u00e7inden da\u011f\u0131t\u0131yordu birden.
\u0130nsanlar sald\u0131rarak birbirlerine
Biri kar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n bo\u011faz\u0131n\u0131
K\u00f6r bir b\u0131\u00e7akla kesiyordu
Bir ana birer birer \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131
Tand\u0131r\u0131n ate\u015fine at\u0131yordu.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bo\u011fulmu\u015f kendi korkular\u0131nda
\u00dcrk\u00fct\u00fcc\u00fc duygusu su\u00e7lulu\u011fun
\u00d6ld\u00fcrd\u00fc \u00f6ld\u00fcrd\u00fc k\u00f6r ruhlar\u0131n\u0131
Ve \u00e7ocuklar\u0131.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Senin de hep dedi\u011fin gibi ”G\u00fcne\u015f \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc” ve inanca benzetti\u011fin o g\u00fcvercin. O masum g\u00fcvercin… K\u00e2\u011f\u0131tlardaki g\u00f6lgeni okuyorum sana bu sat\u0131rlar\u0131 yazarken. Yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n boyutlar\u0131 \u00e7ok derin sevgili F\u00fcru\u011f Ferruhzad. Kendi pay\u0131ma d\u00fc\u015fenleri ya\u015f\u0131yorum ben de. Zaman\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fc h\u00e2l\u00e2 kirli. H\u00fczn\u00fcnde \u00f6l\u00fcyoruz. Yine de bir umutla h\u00e2l\u00e2 seviyoruz papatyalar\u0131 i\u00e7imizdeki bah\u00e7elerde. ”Topra\u011f\u0131n gizli ya\u015fam\u0131” bizim. Tanr\u0131n\u0131n emrine verilmi\u015f nefeslerimiz… Avaz avaz yazmaktay\u0131z h\u00e2l\u00e2; kitaplarla, resimlerle, m\u00fcziklerle dolu odalar\u0131m\u0131zda.  Seninle beraber g\u00fcne\u015fe merhaba demek i\u00e7in yeniden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

H\u00fcsniye SAKAR<\/strong>
Ekim 2020
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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